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The Feeling?

By  Dominic Blaaque     23.09     
I'm feeling a bit restless tonight. At the same time, I feel like I should take a year hiatus and wander out seeking what the world has to offer out of my comfort zone.

Towards the end 2015, Justin Bieber released a new album. Besides the hit song "Love yourself" there were many other really good songs in the album. I listened to all of them, though one song I liked most among all, "The Feeling"

The verse that got me related the most was, " Am I in love with you or am I in love with the feeling"

It makes wonder of what love truly meant. I still couldn't define it in my own terms and kept on wondering what the verse really meant. Is it the emotion? Is it the connection? Is it the presence? Is it the security? Maybe its just one of those songs that keeps you in paradox and would never come to a sole understanding. The sort of song which has a unique meaning to the listener. Or I should ask justin bieber himself of what the song really meant. I'm sure if i google it i would find the answer, but I'll rather not to and let the feeling of curiosity wonder in my mind each time i listen to it.

Curiosity is contagious.

What a weekend it has been. I manage to achieve a goal in my short quarterlife crisis bucket list. Quarter life crisis bucket list, lol. Nowadays, it seems people tend to be less and less creative in their choices of choosing what they enjoy. Millennials like me are brainwashed with television of what feels good, what is bad, what is good to do, how to enjoy life and so on. It seems that everyone is pretty much doing the same thing to cross things in their bucket list. I'm sure that if you have a long bucket list or so, a typical person would have at least half of the items the same as everyone else. I do not wish to elaborate further. I'm pretty sure you would have encountered information like this before.

Starting tomorrow, my soul is pretty much attached to my career for a short while. I am feeling a bit restless tonight, though surprisingly, it is not career is what i am thinking about. It is what I have encountered over the past 24 hours.

I would describe myself a talkative outgoing person. During one meeting, my boss asked everyone, so who is going to entertain the client? and fingers were point at me. Though inside, I am quite of an introvert. I really cherish going out alone or in very small numbers, even though one might think I might be a loser loner. Some say being alone is a sign of strength. But I say I like staying away and avoid other people's bullshit. Though to those that I care, I really, really do care. The way I show that i care its either obvious, mostly unknown or out of the blue surprises. Though this is also not what I am restless about. It was about what I encountered, the story i wrote in my head as the way i experienced it.

How about I explain this in a poetry or artsy fartsy kind of way? lets try.....

Hello there again
I saw you
I'm sure you saw me too
You were looking as beautiful as I last saw you
You were in blue, I was too
You were sitting by your friend who was anxious for the rest of her life
I dont know whether you were too occupied or too busy
or maybe you were thinking your next phase in life
or the wrong image of me have been implied in your head
I'm not sure whether it was me or I really felt that sense of negativity
I waited outside by the table, having dinner with the people I came with
I'm not sure maybe you were shy to join us or still preoccupied with whatever was going on inside
The gig was up, you were still there
We never said hi, we never had eye contact
I was 75% sure my gut was right from the beginning
I just felt awkward being there with your presence
I really do feel, you would enjoy more if i avoided you
It was getting late at night,
still no hello, no conversation of hows life and whats going on,
Was it the image set in your mind or was it all my imagination
The next day I came,
You were still there,
Still no hello, no conversation,
I implanted an image, for you to be happy, I shall stay away..
An so I did.
Though when we were crazy for the camera, you wanted to join too
I shall be positive and I shall stay away.
I'm not in love with you
But I'm still human too
Good bye, so long and thanks for the fish.
When the air is clear, I hope I was the fool
And not you..

And then there was the other you
the busy one
I bumped into something interesting
I'm sure your close relative would like
You did not respond to it
You asked me how I was
I avoided responding
I had a test that day
I needed a clear mind
but thats all bullshit
I really meant not responding
coz i know i'll be left hanging
Like how i was before...


Yes, I know you all are wondering what the hell are all these lines about, lets just keep it a mystery like Justin Bieber's song written earlier....

About Dominic Blaaque

Idzham Ibrahim, your friendly neighbourhood unemployed mech eng graduate

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